Choices - do reactions affect how people are?

Missing Pieces

Warning: There may be content in here that brings up unwanted memories. If you are affected by anything, note that it was your choice to continue reading.

Depression

Depression is considered to be an illness. It has potential routes of treatment, including having a therapist, or being on medication, but one of the misguided conceptions, is that it cannot be overcome. An interesting perspective, but one that shall be explained in further detail.

There’s an alarmingly high number of reasons that people can claim to have depression, but a lot of these can be looked at in depth at the root cause. Yet this is rarely tackled without either peer or professional support. What makes it easier to open up to strangers instead of relatives? Is it the fear of having issues dismissed? Is it a fear of how they’d react to the news? Is it a combination of those two? Or is there a possibility that there is a simpler explanation out there?

By looking at each individual reason in depth, there’s a possibility that there is a way forward, rather than looking for a reason to turn to suicide. After all, suicide is, in basic terms, a form of murder, but instead of looking at it from that side, it’s generally considered to be a by-product of depression, or at least, a mental health issue. Should someone try to take another person’s life, it’s attempted murder, why is it different when they try to take their own?

There are also many ways people find to cope with personal traumas or difficulties that they face. Some are considered to be less healthy than others, and while it may seem daunting, the less healthy ones are seemingly more addictive, yet some will still not realise without guidance that there is a chance they could have encouraged the addictive behaviour initially, because it helped them at the time. It’s fairly common that they block this ‘middle ground’ out, because they don’t want to accept this possibility that they have played a part with their choice of actions.

Reasons for depression.

Abuse. A strong word. Why? Because there are many different facets to it. Sexual. Physical. Emotional. Mental. Verbal. Written. Victims of abuse are often in fear of speaking out against it, either from the threat of more, or the dismissive attitude towards whether it’s believable that what is claimed has happened. Of course, there is always a possibility that there is a misuse of information, and stretching the truth to suit the individual needs. Disturbing? Yes, but surprisingly common.

Rejection. Whether it’s once or multiple times on a number of things, some find it harder than others to handle a basic of being told no. Possibly a lack of self-discipline or a lack of stable discipline by parents/guardians/carers, but ultimately the reaction is the choice of the individual. Saying that a reaction is not always controllable, is reasonable enough, pending certain scientifically researched conditions, but when scientists have been proven to be wrong in the past - saying the world was flat or that the atom was the smallest particle, both proven wrong - would that not suggest there’s a possibility that these conditions may not be true?

Finance. Being in debt is a lot more common these days than previously, but it can certainly affect people to have to sell off hard earned assets to be able to live, or those who struggle with expenditure being greater than income. Quality of house/car/clothing can blend in with differing forms of abuse.

Relationships. This is fairly diverse as it can involve any other person for interaction, including family, friends, partners or even work colleagues. There’s a lot of people who cite loneliness as a reason for depression, but when explored in depth, is there more that they can do? Chances would suggest that they would need to change something because how they currently are is susceptible to not getting what they ideally want.

Self-Deprecation. This is one of the more hidden ones. There’s a lot of people out there who do not like how they look, or spend time comparing themselves to others. How they use their time with handling this is questionable. Comparing yourself to someone else is likely to be detrimental to your mood - you’re looking for your own flaws instead of making the most of what you do have, and also finding a way to explain why you should do this.
Ways of coping.

Self-Harm. There are a number of ways in which people do self-harm, none more so well known than those who cut their skin in order to release inner tension/stress/emotional pain, and by doing so, they have a visual release with which they can then associate reduction of inner emotions.

Substance misuse. Illegal drugs/alcohol are widely known to get used to block out unwanted memories. Even though there is a lot of scientific evidence/research and testing, and knowledge that these substances can have a severe adverse effect on how people are after being used, some will still turn to it.

Distraction. Any time that there’s an urge to act on destructive thoughts/behaviours, this is one of the most advised short-term solution. Finding something else to occupy the stimulation of the mind can be useful, providing it becomes a more constructive use of time as opposed to a destructive mode.

Communication. Some will find it easier to open up in front of strangers rather than talk to those close at hand. There’s a lot that can be said for this, particularly when there is a mild understanding of what someone else is going through. Sympathy and empathy are often given, and while helpful in a number of ways (finding someone who listens, who doesn’t criticise, who doesn’t look to advise), it can also be counter-productive in the way of delaying the person seeking the route to living while they’re alive. Whether online or offline, the main reaction of those giving the communicative support is geared towards prolonging life, rather than encouraging death.


As all of the above mentioned ways are relatively minimal in terms of detail, there is a lot more that each one can branch out in to. And there is plenty more that can be discussed too, like the consequences of each individual action.

Example Scenario 1.

A woman who has not had a sexual experience before is sexually assaulted by a man. She turns to alcohol to block out the trauma of the situation. Flashbacks are common and trust in men has significantly reduced as a result. 

In trying to help them, the only way that could be considered wrong would be one that is criminal. So it would not be advisable to consider going all out to find the perpetrator and be violent, as that is just as bad as the initial sexual assault. It is still a form of abuse, at a simplistic definition.
Her reaction to receiving this abuse is to then misuse the alcohol in order to try and block out the event, but this has a risk of developing into an addiction. The addiction to alcohol could cost her a number of relationships with anyone in her life, yet the choice to turn to it was hers in the first place. By doing so she’s allowing the perpetrator to control her thoughts/life, as she instinctively puts up a barrier to prevent being hurt in the same way by another man.
The flashbacks are often triggered by something, whether it’s a man dressed in a similar way to the perpetrator, the lighting being the same, the time of day/day of week, or something else. This then has the potential to cause the woman to go back to square one in terms of recovering from the issue, and make her feel like she’s not getting anywhere.

Overall, this would be an ideal scenario to offer the victim of the abuse a chance to realise that she has the power to regain life control, instead of allowing the guy who did this to her have a hold over it. Her choices of turning to alcohol and putting up a barrier to men can make it seem harder to reverse the process, but would she not have the control over pouring the alcohol down her throat? Would she also have the controlling choice of how she reacts to the assault? It’s often difficult to relive, but the sooner the choice of reporting the illegal act is taken, the more chances there are to catch the person who did it. And there are options of counselling to have someone else who is not connected to the family/friends circle to talk to, making a plan in how to keep life under control.

This is just an example situation. It can mirror someone’s life, it may not relate, but the simplicity is in the individual’s reactions and choices.

Consequences of actions.

Self harm is a big threat to the safety of an individual who is dealing with various situations of negativity. Substance misuse is often separated from self-harm, but the repercussions of prolonged substance misuse, such as alcohol, result in diseases like cirrhosis of the liver. Ultimately, that is a personal choice to imbibe alcohol to that extent, therefore considered a long-term version of self harm. The same goes for illegal drug misuse, cigarettes, or even prescription/over the counter drugs. Whatever the reasoning behind it, the choices that are made are done by the individual.

Cutting as a form of self-harm leaves scars. For any individual who makes the choice to cut, are they aware of what effect the continuation of this action could lead to? The after effects include hiding the scars, by wearing long sleeved tops or trousers in sunny conditions. This is often through embarrassment or shame that the individual doesn’t want to share the reasoning behind the choice. It could also lead to a reduction in social activities. The most forgotten aspect when making this choice, is the realisation that something like this can be extremely addictive.

Is it worth putting your own body through the punishment and dropping yourself lower in mood by starting off in the first place? Given the information, and what effect it can have even on the most positive of people’s self-esteem, by drastically reducing it, it would suggest that cutting is really detrimental, but people don’t think about that when they find it as a way to cope with traumas and stresses. Does it need medication or does it need a simple tweak of choice?

“Oh it’s a routine habit - it’s hard to stop routine” - is the basics of some of the lines people spout. It’s their way of saying “I can’t stop my addictive behaviour.” When it comes to something like cutting which requires actively using something that is not built into the hands of an individual, it can be stopped, they’re just reluctant to admit that they have more control over whether they cut or not. This is not biased by the opinion of one person, it is just something that is frequently overlooked, yet when brought up, there’s an attitude towards self-harm being ok.

Eating Disorders.

Some eating disorders are not borne of choice, it could be passed through genetics. However, those categorised by the scientific terms of anorexia and bulimia are choice based. Brought to basics, anorexics barely eat, and bulimics binge and purge, but who is in control of the food going in/coming back out? Is it the parent who cooks it? Is it the room-mate who buys it? Is it the son who eats quickly? It’s not likely to be the responsibility of anyone else.

When it comes to people complaining about the way they look in terms of body shape, the first presumptions are, what kind of diet/exercise are you undertaking? If it then comes out that as a reaction to abuse/trauma, the individual concerned has made a choice to ‘comfort eat’, they are not likely to be helping themselves. Again, potentially addictive, but with an element of control that is once again, overlooked. There are ways to counter the effects of the comfort eating, but where better to look than the individual’s choices in what they eat? Whether it’s a habit or not, it can be stemmed, but again, reluctance to admit some degree of responsibility in starting this up is more what holds someone back from regaining control of their life.

Comfort eating side effects - the choices of food are generically not good ones, snacks, chocolate, junk food to name 3 main ones, which under scrutiny can make people gain weight. This can add to depression and also add to the complaint over the visual size. But those who make this choice seem to not think about what the consequences of these actions are at the time that they make the decision.

Ok, so people make mistakes, this is due to no-one being perfect. And ok, the prime suspect for people having certain addictions/addictive behaviours would be themselves for the choices that they have made which initiated the addicting aspect, and they clearly do not approve of being reminded of this - but who else is going to be responsible for their individual choices? The people who instigated the unsavoury experiences? The people reminding them that their choices are their responsibility? If it’s considered to be either of them two, then the individual is in denial and most likely lying to themselves.